There are some well-traveled rules of the road that, if followed, will help you avoid the peril of negotiation potholes. First, during a negotiation, discipline yourself to ask "what" rather than "why" type questions. The latter always provoke an emotional response, something that you want to avoidlike the flu during a negotiation episode.

Second, keep in mind that in any negotiation, there is always a better "deal" than was apparent at the outset. This requires patience and flexibility on your part. It requires thinking about how to "enlarge" the pie, rather than "divide" the pie.

Third, a good negotiation experience begins with education, then negotiation and concludes with agreement. You can't do it the other way around, but that's typically the approach taken. The Florida vote count is a case in point. The two parties each held steadfastly to their position as winners, andthen educated the media regarding their respective interpretation of appropriate legal mandates. All this did was to polarize the opposition and lead to new attempts to educate.

Fourth, the most important tool you have available to you in a negotiation is the use of questioning, and to the extent that you can make this personal-about you-it's even better. Why? Because as your opponent responds, if they disagree, they will have to reject you. Most of us don't relish rejectinganother person, but have little difficulty rejecting ideas or "issues."

Fifth, obey these rules of negotiation strategy:

The person who speaks first sets the tone for the negotiations.
The person who asks the most questions determines the content and direction of the negotiations.
Never argue.
People always do things in negotiations for their reasons, not yours.
The party that listens the most is, by far, the best negotiator.

Here's a fact. Most negotiations that fail do so because of negative emotions and ego. How can you prevent going there? Well, a practical rule of thumb (teachers know this by heart) is to spend at least three hours preparing for each real hour in negotiations. In other words, if you can stateyour opponent's position more clearly than they can, you are on your way to winning the negotiation.

Other negotiation tidbits, in no certain order:

Focus on what's right, not who's right.
Talk facts.
" Dumb" is smart (i.e. "hello," sorry I'm slow).
Never negotiate with yourself.
Let time work on your side-don't be pushed by time.

Remember, if you don't do anything, you sweeten the pot.

There are three major conditions surrounding most negotiations that can be anticipated in advance. First, it is important to recognize that terms can vary all over the board. Second, negotiations are always around a perceived scarce resource (i.e., is this to or against your advantage?). And third,keep in mind that each party has more to gain by negotiating than by not doing so.

Finally, let me put my old, dusty psychological hat. People throw out "anchors" during a negotiation. These are invisible points in space so to speak. These points deal with assumptions being made, perceptions at the moment, and so on. They are things to hang onto, whether realistic or not. If yousense an anchor, you can disarm it by gently breaking it free. In short, get real human, and this usually works to break an anchoring stalemate.

Let me conclude by summarizing the three major conceptual tools you have to work with before a negotiation and going through one. First, information (the 3 to 1 rule). Second, time. And third, the climate you establish and maintain during the negotiation process.

I love the old story about a guy who was robbing someone at gunpoint in the middle of a downtown parking lot." He said, "Mister, I have a gun pointing at you in my pocket and I know you don't have one in your pocket pointing at me. Mister, I have 5 seconds to complete this transaction and I know you are on my time right now. And Mister, if you don't hand over your wallet right now, I can't guarantee you that you will have an opportunity to negotiate about anything again."

Copyright 2001, article used with permission of the author. Harry S. Dennis III is the president of The Executive Committee in Wisconsin and Michigan. TEC is a professional development group for CEOs, presidents and business owners. He can be reached at 262-821-3340 or at hikduke@aol.com.

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